Finding Our Way Home
by BroadwayDuchess
Summary: Derek gets a clue. Meredith gets a spine. Addison gets out of town.
1. Chapter 1

Characters/ Pairing: Meredith, Derek, Addison, cameos by others

Rating: M

Spoilers: There's no telling. Pretty sure none for upcoming episodes.

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. But, oh, if it were...the possibilities! Damn you, Shonda!

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Derek Shepherd rounded the corner on the way to his office. Back-to-back surgeries, one of which had not ended well, and it was only ten-thirty in the morning. He had hoped he could hide out in his office, drink his hot cocoa, and close his eyes. Even if it was only for a few minutes.

He entered his office, hot cocoa in hand, and flopped onto the small sofa near the window. He took a long sip and closed his eyes, relishing the momentary peace. He heard his door open, then close, and a few seconds later, he felt the sensation of soft lips on his.

"Wake up Dr. Shepherd," she purred, nuzzling his neck.

"Not yet," Derek said. "You're gonna have to convince me."

"My pleasure."

After a few minutes of making out on Derek's sofa, Meredith reluctantly pulled away. "You know, I'm risking a lot sneaking up here. Bailey's pissed at Cristina and she's on the warpath. If I get caught," she warned, "you're gonna owe me big."

"Ooh, make me pay, baby!" Derek grinned. "You do realize that I outrank Dr. Bailey, and Nazi or not--" He trailed off when Meredith's pager sounded, followed by Derek's.

"It's Bailey," she announced. She turned as she reached the door, leaning against the frame. "Joe's tonight?"

"Yeah. And Meredith? I always pay my debts."

Meredith headed towards the ER with a giant smile on her face.

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"Alright, what do we have?" Derek asked, as a nurse handed him a chart.

"Tanya McAllister, twenty-eight. She came in with the rest of the car crash victims," the nurse told Derek. "Temporary LOC and she's complaining of abdominal pain. I was about to call Dr. Torres to check out her leg."

Derek began to examine the patient. As he did, she began to wince. "Ms. McAllister? I'm Dr. Shepherd. Looks like you've got a nasty bump on your head." He produced a pen light from his lab coat pocket. "I need you to follow the light with your eyes. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Ow!" she cried, as a nurse drew blood from her arm. "I-I'm not sure. I was driving and I started to get dizzy, then--I don't really know what happened next. Oh, God, this hurts!" The patient clutched at her side. "Do all these people have to be here?"

Meredith had wandered over to see if Derek needed any help with his patient. She patted Tanya's arm, trying to reassure her. "They're almost done. We're just gonna run some labs then I promise we'll leave you alone." Another nurse handed Meredith a wand so that she could perform the ultrasound.

"Okay, Tanya, Dr. Grey is going to take you to CT for a scan, then we'll know better what caused you to lose consciousness." He turned toward Meredith. "When you're done, I need scans of her head and neck. I want to---" He stopped as the patient began to convulse, her arms flailing about. "Damn it, she's seizing!"

"Get her other arm!" Meredith ordered.

Derek and the nurses held down Tanya's appendages until her body stilled. Meredith turned up the sound on the machine.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

_Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh._ Derek wrote some orders on the chart and the two nurses left to attend other patients. Tanya was about five weeks pregnant and very likely epileptic. Derek knew that she'd need to see Addison early and often if she were to have a successful pregnancy. "Okay, scratch that," he said. "She needs an MRI."

Meredith pulled a pad from her coat pocket to jot down Derek's instructions while Derek looked around for his ex-wife. Addison usually headed down to the ER when there was a disaster. She always wanted to be on hand in case her expertise was needed. He quickly scanned the room searching for the neonatologist's red hair. "Where the hell is Addison?"

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Addison stepped from her white rental car onto the smooth paved driveway. She grabbed her purse from the passenger's side, then a large tan pullman from the trunk. Locking the doors, she absently pulled a set of keys from the pocket of her black trench coat. She hurried to the front door, her high heels click-clacking against the pavement all the way up to the porch.

She dumped her suitcase and handbag in the foyer when she entered the house. It had been so long since her last time there, but she barely took the time to look around. The house was quiet, save for Addison's frenzied footsteps. She hurried up the stairs and stopped at the last door in the hallway. She took a deep breath before knocking softly.

She peeked inside to find her mother sitting in a rocking chair, staring out of the large bay window. Addison crossed the room and knelt at her mother's side. Caroline Montgomery did nothing to acknowledge her daughter's arrival.

"Oh, Mom," Addison said, taking her mother's hand. "What happened?"

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Meredith pulled up the sides of the patient's bed and began to rehang the IV's for transport to the basement. Derek turned in the direction of the phone on the triage desk. "I'm gonna page Addison," he said, picking up the phone, "and have her examine Tanya when you're done in radiology."

"You mean Walters. Addison won't be back until next week."

"What are you talking about?"

"She was only supposed to be gone for a few days, but the Chief is making her stay longer."

Derek's blank look told Meredith that he was clueless. "Back from what? _Where_ is she?"

"You haven't heard?" Meredith asked. "She's in Chicago. Her father died last night."


	2. Chapter 2

Previously :

_**"I'm gonna page Addison," he said, picking up the phone, "and have her examine Tanya when you're done in radiology."**_

_**"You mean Walters. Addison won't be back until next week."**_

_**"What are you talking about?"**_

_**"She was only supposed to be gone for a few days, but the Chief is making her stay longer."**_

_**Derek's blank look told Meredith that he was clueless. "Back from what? Where is she?"**_

_**"You haven't heard?" Meredith asked. "She's in Chicago. Her father died last night."**_

CHAPTER 2

Derek stared at the intern, stunned. "Her father died? What happened?"

"I don't know. Bailey just told us before rounds that Dr. Walters was handling all of Addison's cases for the next few days. The Chief told us later on that it would be at least a week before she was back."

"I can't believe it," he whispered, "Big Jim is gone." Derek was dazed. James Montgomery had been like a father to him, ever since the day they met. He was only sixty-five, and in remarkably good health. "Addison must be out of her mind."

Meredith was silent for a moment. Derek's mood had changed suddenly, and it seemed to suck all of the air out of the room. "I'm gonna start working on this," she said. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. Get Ms. McAllister set up in her room, and I'll meet you there."

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Dr. Walters was in room 2603 with Tanya McAllister. Meredith was on the phone waiting on some labs when she saw Derek stroll out of the elevator, his cell phone pressed to his ear. She frowned. Ever since she had informed him of Addison's departure, he had seemed distant and had even barked a few orders at her. She wondered what type of relationship he'd had with his former father-in-law. The neurologist seemed to not only be saddened by the news, but also seemed to be angry and Meredith didn't know what to make of that.

Derek snapped his phone shut as he approached Meredith. She handed him a folder containing the scans, informing him that she was still on hold. He took the pictures out without a word and began to examine them. "Walters in with her, now?"

Meredith nodded. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Page me when you get her labs." he said, putting the folder under his arm. "I'm going to talk to Walters about Tanya's treatment."

"Okay." She waited a beat before asking what she really wanted to know. "How's Addison?"

Derek glared at her. "I would assume that she's not doing too well, what with her father _dying_ and all."

Meredith rolled her eyes and decided to try again. "I just _meant_, that--" she held up a finger to address the person on the other end of the phone. "Okay, great. I'll be right down to get them." She hung up and turned back to Derek. "I just figured you had spoken with her. So I was asking how she was holding up, that's all."

"What makes you think I've spoken with Addison?" Derek sighed as he evaluated Meredith's pursed lips and cocked head. "I don't know." he relented. "I couldn't reach her. I called Addie's sister to find out what was going on, but she hadn't made it home yet. She didn't even know if Addie was there." He looked at his hip as his pager buzzed. "I gotta go. Tell Walters I want to talk to her before she leaves."

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Addison sat at the desk in her father's study. Like everything else in the room, it was oversized, custom-built to fit a man of James Henry Montgomery's stature. She leafed through a phone book, making lists of names and numbers of people she needed to contact. Everyone who knew her had always chided her for being so anal, but no one could deny that there was no event that Addison couldn't plan, and plan well.

Addison set aside her pad of paper and leaned back in the chair, exhausted. She had only been back home for a few hours, but it seemed like she'd been there for much longer. Glancing at the long list she'd made, the words started to swim together, and for the first time since she'd gotten word of her father's death, she felt like she might cry.

She'd been told, when she left the OR the evening before, that she there were several messages on her desk. When Addison saw that they were from her brother, she scoffed and said she'd return them after she'd eaten. Mason Wrigley Montgomery seemed to think that a hangnail could be classified as urgent and the turkey and Swiss on rye was going to take precedence over her brother's latest crisis.

No sooner had she lifted her sandwich to take a bite, her office phone rang. "Addison Montgomery."

"Addie? Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you for the last four hours!"

Addison set down her sandwich. "Mason, honey?" she said, patronizingly. "See, I'm a doctor. At the moment, a very hungry one, but that's another story. Sometimes I see patients and that takes time away from my telephone. What's up?"

There was no sound on the other end, and she thought her brother might have hung up. She was about to tease him about being so sensitive, until she heard his voice hitch. He was trying not to cry. "Addie, it's -- I'm at Northwestern. Dad---"

"Mase, what's going on? You need to calm down and tell me what's happening, okay? Why are you at the hospital?" When she got no response, her frustration grew, and she began yelling at her younger brother. "Mason! What the hell is going on?!"

"It's Dad," he sniffed. "Dad's---he's dead."

"What?!"

"Mason, what happened? Where's Mom?"

Addison could hear her brother speaking to someone on the other end, but the conversation was muffled. Her mind began to race while she waited for her brother to inform her of what was taking place in Chicago. She didn't know a lot but she did know one thing.

"Mase? I'll be on the next flight out of here."

Her cell phone chirped next to her, bringing her back to the present. It was Derek. He had found out about her father's death and would want to do something. Derek and Jim had a bond, and Addison knew that Derek would be upset at the news. Even so, she didn't want to talk to him. She was on the edge of sanity and talking to her ex-husband wouldn't do much to help her nerves.

She decided to take a break and check on her mother. Caroline was in the living room with the pastor and his wife. People had been calling the Montgomery home to express their condolences and Addison had been trying to limit her mother's exposure to them. She felt that her mother needed to rest, not play hostess, but Caroline assured her daughter that she'd be alright.

Looking around the space, she didn't see her mother. Addison found her in the kitchen looking in the cabinets. "What are you doing?"

Her mother's voice answered from the pantry. "Everybody's going to be here soon, and they're all going to be hungry. I-I need to do something. I can't just sit around and stare when everything this house reminds me of your father. I need…I need--"

Addison moved towards the pantry and held her mother while she sobbed. She and Jim and been married for almost forty years, and she couldn't fathom not having him around. "Mom, you need to rest. You haven't slept in two days." Addison helped Caroline to her feet to help her upstairs. "I'm going to give you something to help you relax, and I don't want any arguments from you, got it?"

Caroline smiled, though it didn't quite reach her blue eyes. They walked to the master bedroom and Addison handed her mother a glass of water from the bathroom. Caroline swallowed the capsules Addison gave her and tried to get comfortable in her bed. As Addison fluffed the pillows, and adjusted the blankets, Caroline reached up and held her daughter's face in her small hands. "You've always been just like him, you know that? You're so stubborn," she said, " and I'm so glad you're here."

Addison covered her mother's hands with her own. "I'm glad my hard head is good for something. Just let us take care of you." She turned off the bedside lamp and kissed her mother's cheek. "Get some sleep, will you?" she said from the doorway.

Caroline nodded and closed her eyes. "Wake me when your brothers and sister get here," she said.

"Addie? Don't forget to take care of yourself, okay?"

Addison blew her mother a kiss and headed back to the study. She still had a lot of work to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Dr. Walters was in room 2603 with Tanya McAllister. Meredith was on the phone waiting on some labs when she saw Derek stroll out of the elevator, his cell phone pressed to his ear. She frowned. Ever since she had informed him of Addison's departure, he had seemed distant and had even barked a few orders at her. She wondered what type of relationship he'd had with his former father-in-law. The neurologist seemed to not only be saddened by the news, but also seemed to be angry and Meredith didn't know what to make of that.

Derek snapped his phone shut as he approached Meredith. She handed him a folder containing the scans, informing him that she was still on hold. He took the pictures out without a word and began to examine them. "Walters in with her, now?"

Meredith nodded. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Page me when you get her labs." he said, putting the folder under his arm. "I'm going to talk to Walters about Tanya's treatment."

"Okay." She waited a beat before asking what she really wanted to know. "How's Addison?"

Derek glared at her. "I would assume that she's not doing too well, what with her father _dying_ and all."

Meredith rolled her eyes and decided to try again. "I just _meant_, that--" she held up a finger to address the person on the other end of the phone. "Okay, great. I'll be right down to get them." She hung up and turned back to Derek. "I just figured you had spoken with her. So I was asking how she was holding up, that's all."

"What makes you think I've spoken with Addison?" Derek sighed as he evaluated Meredith's pursed lips and cocked head. "I don't know." he relented. "I couldn't reach her. I called Addie's sister to find out what was going on, but she hadn't made it home yet. She didn't even know if Addie was there." He looked at his hip as his pager buzzed. "I gotta go. Tell Walters I want to talk to her before she leaves."

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Addison taped a piece of paper to the door of one of the bedrooms and then retreated into the kitchen to grab an apple. She looked around, wondering was the next task she could tackle. Her siblings would be there soon and there was barely anything for them to eat. She began to make a grocery list so that she could run to the market before they arrived.

_Bananas, milk, cereal for the kids, _she thought, scribbling with one hand and taking another bite of apple with the other. _Pizza, so no one will have to cook anything tonight._ She tossed the core of her apple into the garbage and went upstairs to grab her keys and coat. Her phone chirped again.

"Damn it, Derek," she hissed, when she checked the caller ID.

She hoped he would get the message to stop trying to contact her, even though deep down, she knew he wouldn't. He was just as stubborn as she, and despite their current relationship, she knew he'd want to check on her, too. Addison didn't know if she could handle him being caring and concerned, though, and she knew that one word of comfort from him would have her bawling. And she couldn't deal with that, now while she had the rest of her family to think about.

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"Hey, Addie, it's me again. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry about Big Jim and...I don't know. I just want to know you're okay. Call me."

Derek stuffed his phone in his jeans pocket and grabbed his leather jacket as his girlfriend approached. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. He pulled away and gave her a small smile. The look on her face told him that she wanted him to open up, but he couldn't tell her how he was feeling. He didn't know himself. All he did know was that Addison's father had died and she hadn't thought it necessary to tell him. And somehow he knew that something was wrong, really wrong the night before.

Derek had been on his way to report to the Chief about Arianna Trousdale, a case he'd been working on the last two days. The Trousdale family had always been one of Seattle Grace's biggest benefactors, so when Arianna's dizzy spells and migraines proved to be the product of a tumor, Richard had called on Derek.

He had asked Derek to keep him informed of the young girl's condition every hour, as her grandparents seemed to call just as much. As Derek neared his boss' office, he heard Richard talking to someone, and the concern in the older man's voice was evident. _You just take care of yourself, you hear me? Anything you need, I'm here, okay? _Derek didn't hear a response, but he hadn't needed to, because he saw the Chief embrace Addison, almost holding her up. It didn't seem as though Addison was truly focused on her surroundings, because she rarely showed weakness to anyone, not with her boss, her patients, or at work.

She nodded as Richard squeezed her hand one last time before she left his office. The Chief caught sight of Derek and motioned for him to come inside, anxious for news on the Trousdale girl. Derek watched the retreating figure of his former wife for a moment before following Richard into the office to brief him on their VIP patient.

Shaking the thought out of his head, Derek realized that Meredith was speaking to him. "What?"

Meredith sighed. "_I said_, are you ready to go. Can you _try_ to pretend you're listening to me?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, as he put on his coat.

"It _means _that you've been ignoring everything I've said all day. Am I really that boring?"

Derek rolled his eyes. He was not about to get into an argument with Meredith tonight. She was standing before him, with her arms crossed, and she was expecting an answer. He had a lot on his mind and was feeling irritated that Addison hadn't yet returned his phone calls. He did not have the patience to reassure his insecure girlfriend that he found her interesting.

The couple just stood there, staring at one another, before Meredith relented. "Come on, Derek. Joe's got some good scotch and a dart board waiting for us. You love scotch."

"Liquor doesn't solve grown-up problems, Meredith, though I'd hardly expect you to understand that," he snapped. She pulled away, feeling as though he'd slapped her. His eyes softened, and he immediately regretted his words. _McDreamy, my ass_, he thought. "I'm sorry, Meredith. I don't really feel like going out tonight. I'm just not in the mood to be around music and people. I shouldn't have lashed out like that."

Meredith looked at her shoes. She wanted to support her boyfriend while he seemed to be so lost. She decided not to pick a fight. "It's okay. We can just order some Chinese and go back to my place," she offered.

He threw an arm around her and nodded. "Let's go."

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"When I first met Addison's family, I was _so_ nervous. I had, like, _crammed_ for meeting them, you know, making sure that I'd have something to talk about with them. Addie couldn't understand why I was so nervous, because she'd met my sisters and my mother already," he said. "All I really knew about Addie's father was that he was a doctor, too, an anesthesiologist, and that he was very protective of his family, especially his daughters. And," he finished, "that he was six-four, two-fifty."

"Ah, Big Jim," Meredith said.

Derek nodded, taking another bite of his beef broccoli. "Big, _big _Jim. Anyway, I walked in the house and he was reading the paper in this leather chair by the fireplace. I shook his hand and I introduced myself. He wasn't too impressed. I sat there while he read his newspaper, and he didn't say a word. So I asked him about how work was. He said _'oh, it's a snooze' _and went back to his reading. I started laughing and he put the paper down, looking at me like I was crazy."

"What did you do?"

"I shut my mouth quick. He says, 'Jesus kid, you'd laugh at that lame-ass joke just to impress me? You must really love my daughter'. Then he says 'American or National' ?"

Meredith frowned, as she reached for another egg roll. " 'American or National'? What's that about?"

"He wanted to know if I liked baseball. When I said National, that seemed to break the ice and we talked about that until dinner was ready." Derek paused, remembering how much Addison's father loved the sport. "He was a fanatic. He loved his home teams so much, especially the Cubs, that he named each of his kids after a street around the ball park."

"He sounds like he was…quite a guy." Meredith began clearing off the coffee table. She didn't want to discourage Derek from opening up to her, but she felt a bit uncomfortable listening to the early days of Derek and Addison's courtship. And a little pissed that Derek was being so insensitive to her. "How did he take--the breakup?"

Derek was putting their empty containers in the trash. "He wasn't happy with what had happened, me leaving and all." Meredith opened her mouth to give her automatic protest , to say that Addison had cheated first. "Oh, believe me, he didn't cut his daughter any slack, either, and she's a total 'Daddy's Girl', " he said. "He told me that he'd do what he could to help us, offer his support, because we were both his kids, but that we had to do the work ourselves. He was disappointed when we divorced, but he's…. he was like a father to me. He helped me through a really rough time."

_Derek was sitting on the floor in the hallway of a hospital. To an onlooker, all that was visible were appendages and a mop of dark, disheveled hair. Derek felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to find a hot cup of coffee in his face._

_"Son, there was nothing you could've done, nothing anyone could have done."_

_Derek took the cup from his father-in-law, and took a sip, barely noticing the temperature. He stared straight ahead. "I wasn't there. I wasn't...there." Tears pricked at his eyes. "They're getting ready to move her into another room."_

_"Derek, the life of a doctor is demanding, a surgeon even more so. I don't have to tell you or Addie that. She's upset right now and you need to get in there. You've never run from anything, Derek," Jim said, "and I know you won't now."_

_Derek pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to ward of the tears that wanted to fall. "She doesn't want to see me. She doesn't want me in the room." He sniffed and tried to compose himself. "She said she hates me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to be there with her."_

_"Since when do you do what Addison tells you to do?" Jim slapped his Derek on the back to get his attention. Derek lost the battle with his emotions as his father-in-law continued. "She may not want you in there with her, but she needs you." You're her husband and you're gonna have to put aside your own grief and BE THERE FOR MY DAUGHTER, you hear me?" Jim held on as Derek broke down, sobbing for his family's tragic loss._

"Derek?" Meredith took Derek's hand, leading him up the stairs to her bedroom. She closed the door and began undressing him, kissing him passionately after removing each article of clothing. She felt that there was more to Derek's grief, but she just wanted to help him.

"You're always here for me when I need you," he sighed. "I just wish I could say goodbye to him, you know?"

"You should," she said, hesitantly. "Say goodbye, I mean. You should go to the funeral."

Derek looked away. "No. I'd just… I think it would cause more problems than it would solve."

"Why not? You knew him. You loved him. I'm sure the chief would give you a few days."

He considered what she was suggesting and began to mull the idea over in his mind. He thought back to fishing trips with Big Jim and Addie's brothers, to Mets/ Cubs games at Wrigley, and Bulls/ Knicks playoff seats. He was warming up to the idea. He could see Big Jim off, and check on Addison. He didn't want to admit that he was concerned for his ex-wife, but in the recesses of his mind, he knew that was true. "You think it's a good idea?"

_No, _Meredith thought. "Sure." She nibbled his neck. "I love you, you know."

"I know," he said, kissing her back. "I don't know what I'd do without you."


	4. Chapter 4

Jackson Sheffield Montgomery, his wife Kelly, and their three children had arrived at the Montgomery house later that afternoon. He fully expected his older sister to have taken charge of most, if not all, the arrangements. When he got to the door of his childhood bedroom, now a guest room, there were two lists taped to the door, one with his name at the top, and one with his twin's name. Lists of duties, divided and sub-divided, with a list of phone numbers and contact names. It was idiot-proof.

Since his arrival, he'd been sitting in the study that Addison had vacated (with the warning to not get comfortable, because she'd be back in a few hours) trying to write the eulogy. He'd finished the obituary a few hours prior, but found himself struggling to explain in words what his father had meant to the family. Jack spent his days in front of a judge and jury, so words were supposed to be there when he needed them. Now, though, they wouldn't come and he was getting frustrated.

"Hey, you." Joanie Montgomery waddled in and her brother stood to greet her. He kissed her on the cheek and embraced her as fiercely as one could embrace someone who was eight months pregnant.

"Have you seen Addie yet?" he asked, sitting on the sofa.

"No, but…" Joanie held up a list similar to the one Jack had found on his door. "Where's everyone?"

"Let's see. Mom's in her room-- Addie gave her something to calm down-- Kel took the girls to a movie so I could work on this," he indicated the balled up papers on the floor near the desk, " and Mase hasn't gotten here yet. Where's Debbie?"

"She'll be here in the morning. She had stuff to finish up at work." Joanie rested her head on the back of the chair. "I can't believe this. I can't believe Dad's gone." She started to sniffle.

"I know. I just talked to him last weekend. He was supposed to come take the girls downtown to go to that damn doll store."

"So Mason is…?"

"Probably arguing with Rachel again. He sort of checked out after he called us about Dad." Jack paused, thinking about his older sister. "Addie's gonna have kittens if he doesn't get here soon. You know how she gets when Mase doesn't take responsibility for his share of the work."

Just then, Addison ducked her head into the study. "Food's here," she announced. Taking notice of her newly-arrived sister, Addison rushed over and knelt down to kiss her sister's belly. "Hi there, niece or nephew." She was rewarded by a kick and Joanie winced.

"Don't get her started," Joanie pleaded. "I can't get any sleep as it is. And I seem to remember when my big sister said hi to _me_ before she acknowledged my abdomen."

"Oh, yeah, you're here, too. _Hello_ Joanie," Addie said sweetly. "Come on, you two. There's a whole bunch of unhealthy stuff on the dining room table, and we could all use some comfort food."

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"Meredith, it isn't what you think, okay? Nobody was sneaking anywhere," Derek hissed. He'd been trying not to wake Meredith, but he needed to get back to the trailer to pack a bag, and he didn't have time to have this conversation.

"Hmm, it's five in the morning and you're tiptoeing out of the bedroom. That's not _sneaking_?"

"I talked to Richard and my flight leaves in a few hours. I was trying to let you sleep in. I was trying to be considerate."

"Considerate?" Meredith sat up in bed and turned on the lamp on the nightstand. He winced at the brightness. "Derek, what the hell is going on? You couldn't wait until a decent hour to tell him what you were doing? And when were you going to tell me? Leave me a note? Call from the plane? What?"

The neurosurgeon dropped his head. "Did it occur to you that this has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU? I thought I was an adult! My mother lives in New York, Meredith, and I don't need a replacement in Seattle."

"Your life, your plans have _nothing_ to do with me? You--You've been a real jerk since yesterday, and I'm getting sick of it!"

"Quiet down!" he pleaded with her, as he tied up his shoe. You're going to wake someone up and everyone doesn't need to know how sick you are of me."

"Well then don't let me keep you from offering a shoulder for your ex-wife then."

"You _told_ me to go. It was your idea!"

"Well, I'm changing my mind. I don't want you to go," she said defiantly. She got out of the bed and began to look for a t-shirt to put on. "Send flowers, send a telegram, but--"

"Look," he interrupted, "I am NOT about to change my plans because suddenly you can't take the fact that Addison and I had a life before I met you!" He walked out of the door, slamming it on the way out.

Meredith felt as if she'd been slapped. She didn't think she could feel worse if he really had slapped her. She stood at the top of the stairs and watched him put on his coat. "This is how you're going to leave things between us?"

"I need to get to the airport," he replied, his voice clipped. He opened the door, but stopped to address her. "If your sister, I'm sorry, your _father's daughter _was in trouble... If something happened to her, and you needed to go, I wouldn't tell you not to because I might miss you! I would understand that you're doing what you have to do for your family."

"If Addison is your family, Derek, what am I?"

He didn't answer her.

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Addison poured maple syrup over her niece's pancakes and passed the bottle to Joanie. The sisters had risen early to prepare a large breakfast for the family. Eventually, the smells of bacon, eggs, and pancakes seemed to lure everyone into the kitchen, all except for Caroline.

As they ate, the siblings discussed the things that needed to be taken care of. Addison wanted for everyone to be done with their tasks so that they could all be present when their aunts and uncles arrived that evening. "And somebody better get a hold of Mason. He's the only one who can deal with Aunt Julia."

"Maybe, but I may just leave that to you, sister dear." Mason entered the dining room and kissed Addison's cheek. He shook his twin brother's hand, and wound up in front his baby sister. "Wow," he said, eyebrows raised. "You're huge."

"Yeah, does the fact that there's a whole human being inside me mean_ anything _to you?"asked Joanie.

"Nope, not really."

Joanie smacked him on the head and handed him a plate. "You get any sleep?" she asked, gently.

He shook his head as he helped himself to the meal. He rounded the table, kissing his three nieces and Kelly on their foreheads, then sat down. The family continued to eat, and each person recounted a story about Jim Montgomery. By the time Caroline joined them, they were listening to Joanie lamenting her full name.

"Seriously, Joan Waveland Grace Montgomery? When I told Debbie, she thought my dad was nuts. You guys," she gestured to her siblings," got off easy. I get Waveland Grace." She chuckled.

"Daddy was at a game when I went into labor. In fact, I was in the hospital already when he and Grandpa got home," Caroline remembered. "I tried to get him to go easy on you, but what can I say. He loves--he loved the Cubs." She looked at her sons. "Remember when you guys took Derek that first time? You gave him such a hard time."

There was an awkward silence as they were hit once again with the reality that Big Jim and Derek were really gone.

Addie cleared her throat to break the silence. "Mom, are you hungry? You must be hungry. I'll be right back."

Caroline went into the kitchen where she found Addison pouring her a glass of juice. "Honey, did you get any sleep?"

"I'm fine, Mom."

Caroline sat herself down on one of the barstools. Her daughter was not fine, but she didn't want to press her for information. "We can talk about this later, but Daddy left some things for Derek."

Addison returned the bottle of juice to the refrigerator. "Not now, Mom. Please." She turned to her mother, her eyes pleading. Caroline and Jim were the only people who knew just how much the divorce had affected Addison. She didn't want to get into a discussion about Derek or the family's relationship with him. She put a plate filled with food into the microwave.

"You don't have to deal with it now, just, soon, okay?"

"Yeah." She handed her mother the plate with the newly warmed food and watched as her mother speared a piece of pancake with her fork.

"Where is Derek, anyway?" Caroline wondered.

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Derek checked his watch and tried to settle into the small window seat. He preferred the aisle, but the window seat was the only one available for the flight. He thought back to his argument with Meredith. They seemed to be having a lot of disagreements, about a multitude of things. He hadn't noticed until then, because their conflicts were usually handled by sex.

"Sorry." The passenger next to him had leaned into him, yet again, and was now apologizing for the nintieth time.

"No problem."

"You from Chicago?" the man asked.

Derek sighed. He really just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts. On the other hand, that might lead to analyzing, specifically his problems with Meredith. And he didn't need that, either. "No," he said, "it's for family stuff."

"Me too," he said brightly. "I've been away on business for the last month and my wife goes into labor early." The man pulled out a folded piece of paper. There was a printed photo on it of a little baby, a boy. "I'm going to meet my boy for the first time today."

Derek smiled as the man continued telling him about his new family. It was going to be a long flight.

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Addison had phone calls to return, but none of those included her ex-husband. He'd left her several messages, the latest one during breakfast, all of which had been erased before she listened to them. She didn't want to deal with Derek and his pitying eyes, and she thought if she did speak to him now, she'd break down. And she simply couldn't tolerate being _that _ woman.

As she walked around the room, she stopped at a large photo on the wall. It was the entire family on Big Jim's sixtieth birthday. It had been taken at a restaurant in the city by a waiter, and she recalled it as the first time Joanie brought Debbie home to meet the family.

She'd known her sister was gay since Joanie's med school days, but it wasn't something that was a big deal to her. Joanie had met her girlfriend at NYU and, from Joanie's voice, Addison knew her sister was in love. The two had been together for eight years, and seemed happy together in New York. As close as the sisters were, both being doctors and spending as much time as their schedules would permit, when Joanie called Addison from New York to tell her she'd be an aunt again in six months, Addison was surprised. She'd hidden it well, but seeing her sister the night before had caused a pang of envy, and she busied herself to work through it.

She glanced at her own self five years prior, taking in her much shorter hair and rounded belly. Derek was next to her in the photo, an arm slung around her shoulders and his other hand on her stomach. They were so in love then, and neither would know that three weeks later, the unimaginable would happen.

_Addison had been walking along the downtown street looking in the windows of the shops. It was a rare off day and she and Derek decided to spend it shopping for their soon-to-be born child, then meeting her parents for dinner. They would be arriving from Chicago that afternoon, and she couldn't wait to show her mother the nursery. She had been waiting for him for the last twenty minutes when he called her to say that he'd be late, he didn't know how late, and to go on and eat lunch without him. _

_After she picked up a sandwich from the deli, she found a bench where she could eat it. She tried to sit, but stopped abruptly when she felt a sharp pain on her side. It passed, but the uneasy feeling didn't leave while she ate her lunch. Her instinct told her she didn't want to ignore her body, and she began to gather her belongings to head to the hospital. _

_Another pain ripped through her abdomen, and she knew she needed help right then. She called her husband, and the surgical floor to leave messages, and was in the process of dialing Mark's number when the pain immobilized her again. She sunk onto the concrete, her hand around her midsection, and cried out in agony._

_A passerby rushed to help her and shouted for someone to call 911. The stranger took her phone and hit redial on her phone to get someone to meet Addison at the hospital. The pain was becoming intense. All she remembered was a buzzing in her ear before everything faded to black._

_Slowly, groggily, Addison came to. She blinked, attempting to adjust to her surroundings. The door flew open and there stood her husband, panting in the doorway. The tears streaming down his face confirmed her worst fears. Their baby had died and she hadn't done anything to prevent it. Derek rushed to her side, kissing her face. Addison wanted to know one thing. "Where were you?"she asked._

The doorbell broke her trance, a few seconds later, she found herself face-to-face with the one person she did not want to see.

"I'm so sorry, Addie." Derek pulled her to him, and she had to admit, it felt good to have his arms around her again. "Why didn't you tell me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Addison pulled away from Derek and leaned against the frame of the door jamb. "It was a personal family matter, and more importantly, it was _private_," she answered. She turned, leaving the door wide open. Derek entered, tentatively, and hung his dark blue jacket on the coat rack. He followed her into the study where he found her sitting cross-legged on the floor, the cordless pressed against her ear, and jotting notes down on a pad of paper.

"What happened?"

She mouthed heart attack, and went back to writing.

"Heart attack? God, Addie. He--he was on that damn treadmill every day. I remember when he--"

"Derek?"

He turned to her expectantly, eyebrows raised. "What?"

"Do you not see the phone that's currently attached to my ear? I'm on hold and I'm trying to finish something here. In case you weren't aware," she told him, "this is a _little_ important and I can't talk to you right now."

Derek rolled his eyes and began absently wandering around the room, stopping to pick up a photo or memento here and there. He chuckled at the picture of a four-year-old Addison sitting on her father's lap, complete with a too-large blue ball cap. He recalled her explaining that her grandfather had snapped the photo that day, her first ballgame. He turned to address her, finding her sitting against the sofa, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. He sat down next to her and took the notepad from her hand. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. I just need to finish making the arrangements. Mom's, well, she's doing as well as she can-- damn it! I forgot to pick up the stuff from the cleaners. I still need to pick out his suit and take it to the funeral home," she said, glancing at the list in Derek's hand. She dialed a number on the cordless phone. "I wonder if Jack can meet Daddy's family, because I need to make lunch for the kids before I leave…"

As she rambled, Derek was struck by how tired his ex-wife looked, as though she hadn't slept and has no plans to take up the hobby. He was all too aware of Addison's penchant for covering the real problem with her to-do's and general business. He knew that she wouldn't really let her siblings assist her, not in any substantive way, partially because she felt a duty to protect them, but mostly because she didn't think they would do it "right".

"…and I was thinking navy blue, you know, it's not as harsh as black, but Aunt Charlotte said--"

Derek pinched Addison's lips, quieting her rant and forcing her to pay attention to him. His gaze steady, Derek held her face in his hands with his palms on her jaws. "Really, how are _you_?"

Addison's sad eyes filled with tears. He seemed to genuinely be concerned for her, and that was touching. She'd been on the edge of losing it since she got the news of her father's death, and she feared if her ex-husband kept staring at her that was, so open and apprehensive, she'd become a quivering mess.

Blinking away the moisture, she shrugged. "All things considered...fine. I do have things to do," she responded. "Thanks for stopping by, though. I do appreciate it. M-my father would have appreciated it." She got up, grabbing her keys, cell phone, and her ever-present to-do list, and stuffed them into her large tote bag. Derek, taking this as his cue to depart, moved to the door. She'd regained control just as quickly as she'd lost it, and Derek was reminded that Addison really didn't _need_ anyone, especially him. She was just too damned independent.

"Do me a favor?" he asked. "Call my mother? She hasn't been able to reach you, now she's nervous, and she'll won't feel better until she knows you're okay." He paused. "Addie, is there anything I can do?"

There was only one thing he could do to make things easier for her. "Yeah," she replied. "You can go back to Seattle."

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Meredith hadn't felt like going back to sleep after her blowup with Derek that morning. He had left without apologizing, and hadn't seen fit to call her. And she decided that she wasn't going to call him anymore. If he wanted to do his passive aggressive thing, then that was fine with her.

"Hey," called Cristina, walking into the on-call room. She was trying to tame her dark, wavy hair into a ponytail. "I thought you were off today?"

"I am. Or was. I just felt like coming in," Meredith replied. She stood up to grab her labcoat and stethescope and sighed. "Derek left this morning."

"Left? What do you mean, left? Where did he go?"

She slammed her locker door shut. "Chicago," she spat.

Cristina's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Why Chicago? Oh..." she said, as she remembered that Addison was on leave for the next week or so. "Wow. That was quick. Didn't she just leave yesterday?"

"Yeah," Meredith confirmed. "He called the Chief at, like, five in the morning to tell him he was leaving. I asked him not to go and we had a huge thing about it." She adjusted her coat and clipped her pager and cell to her waist. Checking for messages or missed phone calls she said, "He's been there for a few hours now."

Cristina opened the door and held it open for her friend. "He'll call."

"Yeah," she agreed as they started down the hall. "I hate Chicago."

"I hate it for you. You know what? Let's do something tonight. Let's get sexy and go out and get drunk," she laughed. "We'll be hot and guys will hit on us and we can break their sad little hearts."

"You're on." Meredith was tired of Derek's moodiness and she wasn't going to be pining after him. The next move was his.

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Addison left her parents' bedroom, a suit for her father in hand, and walked downstairs to the foyer. She stopped when she heard voices coming from the family room. When Derek left, the house was empty so she'd gone upstairs to collect the items for the funeral home. She sauntered into the room, and saw Jack and Derek watching TV with her nieces.

"Auntie Addie, do you wanna watch _Sleeping Beauty _with us?" asked the six-year-old, Amanda. The men looked up when they realized Addison was in the room.

"Oh, no honey, I wish I could. I have to take care of some stuff and I'm gonna be gone for a little while," she replied. "Maybe when I get back?" She looked at her ex-husband, who'd been watching the exchange with the little girl. "I thought you had gone…somewhere," she told Derek.

Kelsey, who was eight, piped up, "Uncle Derek was leaving when we were coming back here. We wanted him to do the airplane."

"And Uncle Derek said he would do it _later,_ remember?" Derek told her, pointedly. Kelsey giggled. Addison smiled, in spite of herself. Kelsey had a bit of a crush on Derek. Whenever Jack's family had visited them in New York, Addison and Derek had always taken the older girls (Jamie was still a baby at the time) somewhere special. Addison would make a big deal about the girls' fancy party dresses, and would even let them wear a little lip gloss. Derek would gasp when they were finished primping, pronouncing them beautiful princesses for the evening. He'd bow and then kiss each of them on the hand.

Jack motioned to the garment bag Addie had slung over her arm. "That the suit?"

Addison nodded. "I was on my way there, now. They need all this by three," she said, checking her watch, "so I need to head out." She turned to leave and then remembered something. "I meant to ask--can you meet Aunt Charlotte and everybody at the hotel? I'm running late, so…"

"No problem," he said, picking up Lily, his youngest daughter. "Actually, Kelly drove Mom there a little while ago, and I was going to meet them later. I can drop that stuff off on the way, if you want me to." He handed Lily to Addison and headed for the foyer to retrieve their coats.

Addison sat on the sofa with Jamie. She didn't look at her ex but she knew he was staring at her. "So...you're still here," she commented, not looking at him. Addison picked up a small book from the coffee table and handed it to Jamie. "Here, honey. Let's find something good to read."

"Yes," he replied.

"Why?"

Derek turned to Addison and smiled. "I'm not totally sure," he admitted, "but I feel like I should be here." He got up and sat on the floor with Kelsey and Amanda. "Uh-oh, ladies, it's that dragon!"

"Rumple--Rumple--the one about the little man and the princess and the gold, Aunt Addie," Jamie announced. She tucked herself into Addison's arms and handed her the book. Addie, shaking her head at Derek, yawned and turned to page one. "Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far, away..."

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Addison sat up in bed, startled. She rubbed her eyes, attempting to focus on the clock on the dresser. It read 5:49. She stretched, working out the kinks in her body. It was still dark outside but the moonlight helped to illuminate the room enough for her to walk around.

She shivered a bit and looked around the room for her suitcase. She rummaged through it, pulling out a navy blue sweatshirt. Slipping it over her head, she walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. The bright light stung her eyes and she groaned. She'd set her alarm clock for 5 a.m. and she'd somehow slept through it, and now she felt so sluggish, she felt she'd never get back on schedule. Flipping the switch to turn off the light, Addison decided that her brain would function much better once she got some caffeine in her system.

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"Uncle Derek, you can't make the grass _purple_!"

"And you colored outside the lines!"

"That's it! The only one who eats tonight is Jamie, because she's the only one who _didn't_ make fun of Uncle Derek's picture!"

Addison had to laugh when she entered the kitchen. Derek, wearing a red apron, was standing in front of the stove making grilled cheese sandwiches and soup. _For breakfast? _Her nieces sat at the island, coloring books and drawing paper strewn about the granite countertop.

Derek had turned off the burners and was ladling soup into bowls when he noticed Addison standing in the threshold of the kitchen looking bewildered. "You're finally awake, huh?" he asked, before turning to the girls. "Alright, ladies, it's time to get cleaned up. Upstairs and wash your hands, on the double."

Kelsey dutifully took her baby sister by the hand and led her and Amanda to the bathroom. Addison gently reminded them to use actual soap and not to play in the water as they passed by her.

"May I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Why are you in my parents' home, making, of all things, grilled cheese for breakfast?"

Derek laughed. He laughed a hearty laugh that made Addison want to slap him silly. "Breakfast? What time do you think it is?"

She glanced at the clock on the microwave. "It's almost six. And who let you in so early?"

Derek cut a sandwich in half and placed it on a plate. "Here. You need sustenance, clearly." He slid the plate toward her and chuckled again. "Addie, you've been asleep for three hours."

"What?"

"Calm down. Everything's taken care of. You fell asleep so I asked Jack if he would run your errands."

"But--"

"Shut up; you needed the rest." He grabbed a carton of juice from the refrigerator and filled plastic cups for the girls. He noticed Addison hadn't touched her sandwich. "I'm not kidding. You do need to eat something."

Ignoring him, but feeling some of the mental cobwebs clear out, she moved on. "Where is everyone?"

"At the hotel, I think. Jack said he was meeting Kelly and Mom there, and I guess Joanie was going to O'Hare to pick up Debbie."

Addison began to nibble at the edges of her sandwich when Derek handed her a bowl of tomato soup. "So you're babysitting?" she asked.

"You're awake now. _We're_ babysitting."

Kelsey, Amanda thundered down the stairs, with Jamie pulling up the rear. After inspecting their hands for cleanliness, Derek allowed them to sit down at the table.

"Auntie Addie, you were asleep for a really long time," Jamie complained. "And you didn't finish my story, either."

"Yeah," Amanda chimed in. "Uncle Derek carried you upstairs like a _princess_."

Addison raised her eyebrows at Derek, and he blushed, his cover being blown. He'd been prepared to let her stay on the sofa, but she had looked so tired earlier in the day that he thought she'd be more comfortable in a bed. He'd placed her on the bed and covered her, and was about to leave, but he couldn't help stalling as he looked at her. It had been so long since he'd really seen her and the worry evident on her face, even as she slept.

"You were tired," he said by way of explanation. He nodded towards her meal. "How is it?"

"It's good. Thanks," she answered.

He smiled at her. "And you thought I couldn't cook."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Give me a break, Derek. It's grilled cheese," she smirked. "It doesn't make you Emeril or anything."

He threw a towel at her. "I'll take whatever I can get, coming from you. And you're welcome."

Later, after dinner, they watched another movie with Addie's nieces. As Belle wondered if there was "something there that wasn't there before" with the Beast, Addison leaned toward him and whispered, "And thanks for the other thing, too. I was exhausted."

"Shh!" he admonished. After a few seconds, he smiled back at her. "It was my pleasure." And he was shocked to discover that he really meant it.


End file.
